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Pregnant? Your Child Will Not Be the New Volkswagen CEO

This week, the CEOs for Volkswagen and Daimler were sitting at a table with a bunch of reporters. They were doing what executives and reporters do: the reporters ask a bunch of questions, and the executives hem and haw while trying to think of something headline-worthy. Perhaps in an effort to show up his companion, Volkswagen CEO Martin Winterkorn loaded up the mother of baby-smackdowns and said the following about his successor as VW chief:

“He has definitely been born, but I don’t know what his name is.”

There! If your child hasn’t been born, VW will not be handing him the keys to the kingdom. Winterkown’s contract expires in 2016 and he’s 67 years old, so running the company for another 18 years would be a stretch.

Given that the next Top Chief has already started walking and talking, who might he be? Let’s take a guess:

Taylor Swift

Implicit gender-language of Winterkorn be darned, Swift is running amok in the music industry these days, in a good way. Having successfully transitioned from producers who wrote her country music to producers who write her electronic music, the chipmunk-styled artist might have exactly the pivot-and-twerk agility that a Volkswagen CEO needs. Plus, free content licensing.

Tim Cook

Sure, he’s running Apple these days, but he’s now released his first big-boy iPhone without Steve Jobs, and depending on whether the Apple Watch works out, it’s high time he returns to his first true love: supply chain management. What does Apple have, like a dozen products? With about a half dozen brands, hundreds of models and endless profit sheets to analyze, Volkswagen would be a terrific challenge for a man who’s used to filling big shoes.

The World’s Hardest Working Valet

If you’ve ever been to the The Pit, an excellent barbecue restaurant in Raleigh, you might have been graced by the presence of this wunderkind, a Clark Kent of sprinting, eyeglasses-wearing, and more hustle than the Miami Heat’s recruiting team after LeBron left. This fine fellow with dark hair and a uniform two sizes too big seems to have a motor in his heart and a computer in his brain. Also seen working in Durham on the weekend, he could teach Germany a thing or two about efficiency.

Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod)

Just kidding, no one likes him.

Those are our choice for the next Volkswagen CEO; what are yours? We remain your retailer of Volkswagens for sale in Raleigh.

Pregnant? Your Child Will Not Be the New Volkswagen CEO was last modified: March 9th, 2022 by Leith VW Raleigh

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